We do not get to choose how grace plays out in our lives.

Brothers and sisters:

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith,

we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

through whom we have gained access by faith

to this grace in which we stand,

and we boast in hope of the glory of God.

Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions,

knowing that affliction produces endurance,

and endurance, proven character,

and proven character, hope,

and hope does not disappoint,

because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts

through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

A favorite scripture is like a favorite song that is constantly stuck in your head. It just repeats. Over and over, becoming an anthem. For years these words from St. Paul, have stuck with me and in my heart. I think it has been in my personal email signature for over a decade. When I was in ministry, there was never a retreat that went by where I didn’t use these words in a talk (just ask any of my previous teens.) I always knew the heart of these words, and to a certain extent could relate. However, the past 2 years, I feel Aaron and I have lived them in a new way and they have become full circle.

It has been a few months since our last update. Christmas went by, as it does. It was lovely and cozy.

Our dear friends purchased their first vacation rental on a beach nearby. We were blessed to spend a few of 2022s first weekends there. In general, you put me near the water with people I love, and I am a happy camper. :)

In March, we were finally able to go on our 2020 postponed 3rd Costa Rica trip. We have gone with our dear friends each time, and we wouldn't have it any other way. It, as always, was beautiful. We went hiking through waterfalls in a volcano national park, relaxed pool side, had massages on the beach, drank out of coconuts, surfed, went to different beaches, had good conversations, laughed until we cried, and went to a nighttime artisan market. It was just so lovely. There is a reason this was our 3rd trip there. However, for whatever reason, on the trip we just had this aching feeling that we would return to something really hard. That this trip was a respite before a storm.

The day we landed home, we were greeted with the news that our sweet Sadie girl had gotten out. She was staying with Aaron’s parents while we were away. We spent 3 days searching & posting 100s of signs, by us and our neighbors. We found Sadie, and unfortunately she did not make it. We were, and still are heartbroken.

For me, it was not just the loss of Sadie. It is the compounding of grief upon grief upon grief. For several years now, Aaron and I have had one traumatic loss or event after the other. It has broken us over and over again and challenged our faith in new ways. With life, and adulthood being what it is, we have moved just from one thing to the next without having time to completely process through before the next. Losing Sadie just broke me. Which, at a few months out at this point, needed to happen. It helped me to process the past 5 years of trauma and grief experiences. To let them out and work on letting them go. It was a challenging Lent to say the least. At times, we feel like our lives have been Lent. I wouldn’t say I am over it, but I am working on it.

We do not get to choose how grace plays out in our lives. Because of this, we often don't see grace working in those moments of loss or tragedy. Thus, making it hard to hold onto our faith when those tough moments come. We get blindsided by not knowing why certain trials and obstacles are placed in our way. I used to always tell my teens, sometimes grace is a gentle whisper, soft and kind, but more often than not, it is a hurricane. Once you get through that hurricane, and the gentle whisper of perspective hits, we can look back and see that God’s Grace has been at work all along. That, doesn’t make working through the Hurricane any easier. :)

I have to wonder if these words from St. Paul, and the hold they have had on me, are the Lord reminding me what’s truly at work here. That those words have been on repeat in my heart to be an anthem…a motto. Faith isn't easy. None of those who have gone before us have said it is. Instead, we are given examples of great illnesses, being knocked off horses, desert wandering, sitting in lion dens, martyrdom, and more. Christianity is not for the weak of heart or flesh. God’s grace will keep us going, it will not fail. Even when we feel weak and are losing heart, it will not disappoint.

After Sadie’s passing, our home was too quiet. We adopted Clover, a female lab mix from a shelter. At this point she is around 8-9 mths. Training has come a long way, but she is still a puppy, and has some things to work on yet.

This summer we hope to spend as much time with our loved ones and outside as possible. The Adoption process is still ongoing. Our caseworkers are optimistic, but the waiting and unknown is hard. Please keep us in your prayers, and our birthmom, whomever she may be. We believe that the Lord has a plan for our family that far exceeds our own.

We love you all!

-Kiki